She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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