just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
