its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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