I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
