Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
