apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
