I think my vagina is haunted
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
