i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
