Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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