Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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