super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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