You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
