i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
too bad you live with your parents still
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
