Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
