there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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