oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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