These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
