I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
