Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
