Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
