Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
