i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
