Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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