i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
