South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
