Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
