They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
