I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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