okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
