I think my vagina is haunted
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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