census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
