You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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