if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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