I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
