areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
