I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
