the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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