he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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