Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
