I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
