I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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