can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Mom said you looked used
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
