I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
