i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
