i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
two words: eviction party
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
