Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
