too bad you live with your parents still
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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