Already got asked if we're dating
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
