last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
