im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
