I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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