He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
