Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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