I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
