the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
