my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
