I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
