Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
