This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
