well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
