So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
