I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
