Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
