yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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