i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
