All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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