I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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