Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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