apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
