Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
