Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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