On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
