You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
