You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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