escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
