I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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