A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
