Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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