oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
