I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
