the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
