Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
4 words: hood of his car
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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