he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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