You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
