I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
