Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
