My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
