a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
