My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
