I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
