I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
