i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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