did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
