We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
