he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
