Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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