just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize