guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
