I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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