Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
